Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
