I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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