I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
