it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize