Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize