Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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