eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
