On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
