Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
