Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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