Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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