i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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