Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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