I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
