She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize