Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Randomize
