Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
So many bounce houses so little time
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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