using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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