Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
