and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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