I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
