I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
