I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
