I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
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