So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
