I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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