i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
