You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
