I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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