fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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