While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Randomize
