Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
