I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
