Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
