"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
you made out with another girl for some wings
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
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