wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
