After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Randomize
