yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
