So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
