Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
