Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
