i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
