I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
