I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
