We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
