booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
