But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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