Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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