i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
