Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I just forgot I was standing up.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize