nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
