I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize