I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
