Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
