my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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