Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
