i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
