My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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