I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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