Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
