anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I have fence marks all over my body
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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