Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
