Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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