so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
