So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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