come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize