I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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