I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Randomize
