Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
should my penis look like a turkey
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
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