Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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