Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
