I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
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