shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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