I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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