We won't sleep together?
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
