I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
