no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
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