I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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