i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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