hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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