in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
