I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
