Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize