Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
