What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Randomize
