I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
