The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize
