I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
