do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
