'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize