dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
