Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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