I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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