Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
