the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
